Constance has been in Michigan on business this week, and I have spent most of that time picking up destroyed bits of my home courtesy our chew-happy dog, and ducking the reality that her period should have arrived on Sunday.
We made a pre-flight pact that she wouldn’t mention it unless it came, and that if [...]
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Like most members of the media, I receive a sizeable load of unwanted crap courtesy the USPS every single day. Be it gimmicky authors pimping their new book about panda-derived leadership techniques or plain-text press releases championing the benefits of organic masking tape, I’m overwhelmed by papers, folders and books that will almost always go [...]
Filed under: Diversions, News from the Parent Front | 1 Comment »
Bronchitis again. Four times in less than 2 years. My cough sounded like I had swallowed a bucket of nuts and bolts, and each chest spasm rattled my iron lungs as my body attempted to rid me of the metallic, foreign crud. Unable to muster the strength even to shower, I remained on the sofa [...]
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My normal, resting body temperature is above average, and in past I attributed it to my morbid obesity: five-hundred-pound people tend to be a little warmer thanks to the layers upon layers of fat insulation. Every walk down the block is like wearing sixteen fur coats on an 8-mile run along the beaches of Puerto [...]
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Marcy underwent her uterectomy on Friday and, per our veterinarian’s policy, was forced to stay overnight at the hospital. Fair enough, seeing as how major of a surgery that truly is, but nonetheless, Constance and I were depressed by the lack of puppy devotion at our disposal upon the conclusion of a tumultuous work week.
As [...]
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During the next four days, basketball fans will be whipped into a frenzy and abandon all work as the NCAA tournament hits stride. Beer aficionados will break out their second stomachs to accommodate the arrival of St. Patrick’s Day and a license to overindulge in their brew of choice. Rabid basketball fans who also are [...]
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Most folks know that men suffering from a low sperm count, or even men hoping to conceive, should spend less time relaxing in the jacuzzi and more time showering beneath lukewarm water. My doctor recommended this course of action, so I’ve been standing beneath a tepid stream for the last three months.
And while it is [...]
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My dad and I never had a complicated relationship.
In fact, even though our differences ranged from style to philosophy to the right for “The Andy Griffith Show” to exist in the lexicon of TV history (I fall on the anti-”Andy” side of the debate), our differences held us apart only long enough to cool off [...]
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This is my friend Sarah.
Or, more accurately, my friend Sarah dressed up as a Biblical-era angel replete with a harness and easy-to-maneuver flying apparatus. She is an actor, a really good one at that, and someday her kids are going to look at candid photos like this and think their mom is awesome.
And then a [...]
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As we’re preparing to move into our new condo come June, it’s hard to plan for that second bedroom. For starters it will be an office, a place to store my laptop and countless volumes of fiction, but I am holding out hope there will be reason to box our books and setup a nursery [...]
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