Sunlight and soaring temperatures bring out the best and worst in every man, woman, child and dog looking to shed the accumulated winter rust in favor of summer skin. For every brilliant, sun-drenched moment I spent BBQ-ing with my band mates or watching my friend Krista play flag football, there were hours upon hours of [...]

Filed under: Baby Prep, Why is Everybody Pregnant? | 14 Comments »

My sister Angie’s baby shower was last Sunday and I, of course, left gift purchase until the last minute. Post-office-related procrastination is kind of my thing, and even though I’ve known I couldn’t make the trip to Iowa for several months and I knew I’d be shopping from the online registry (which eliminates the post [...]

Filed under: Diversions, When I'm a Dad ... | 6 Comments »

Someday, but not today, my brain will transmit a series of letters and punctuation to my quivering fingers that will be subtle, brief and triumphal: Constance and I are expecting a child, and I can’t stop crying/smiling.
I knew this would not be that day, even before Constance got her period at a feminist luncheon: A [...]

Filed under: Doctor, Doctor, Husband & Wife | 4 Comments »

Have we inexplicably arrived at the socio-political juncture where it’s worthwhile to examine the geographic, red-versus-blue state divide in relation to who is/isn’t seeking infertility treatments?
Oh yeah, we totally have.
According to this asinine study, only 4% of the 90 million infertile couples not repopulating the globe actually receive the treatment they need. Yet the study, [...]

Filed under: News from the Parent Front | 1 Comment »

“Calm continueth not long without a storm.” – Unknown author

This archaic phrase, more commonly clipped to “the calm before the storm,” is believed to have been written in 1576 by an unknown source. One has to assume the author of this statement, likely writing from the battlefields of Antwerp shortly before its sacking by Spain, [...]

Filed under: Husband & Wife, Oops … | 2 Comments »

What R.E.M. famously sang circa 1991, this week I made a reality as I embodied their patience-less posturing by edging toward the brink of “Losing My Religion.”
Marcy the dog has been stricken with uncontrollable diarrhea. Let me begin by concurring that it’s not pleasant to talk about, it’s not pleasant to read about and it’s [...]

Filed under: Diversions, Husband & Wife | 1 Comment »

My relationship with the aurora kinase C gene is in that infantile stage where the two of us know so very little about each other – likes, dislikes, favorite ice cream (vanilla), favorite Starbucks coffee (Komodo Dragon), favorite Britney beau(totally Hubby #1) – yet, brevity aside, we are already walking hand-in-hand, infusing our conversations with [...]

Filed under: Baby Prep, Doctor, Doctor | 1 Comment »

Goofy has a son, Max, and no wife.
Donald and Daisy Duck have 3 nephews to raise, occasionally abandoning them for unexplained reasons to be cared for by their craggy Uncle Scrooge. Even with ample alone time and a built-in babysitting service, it still leaves little in the way of clock or money for them to [...]

Filed under: Doctor, Doctor, News from the Parent Front | 3 Comments »

All snapshots of my hypothetical, radiant bundle of joy, swaddled in his/her handmade quilt and cradled in my gorilla-length arms will now be interrupted (ruined) by metal tracks strapped to my teeth. After being given an ultimatum by my dentist during yesterday’s routine cleaning, I will be having braces installed in the not-so-distant future.
“I was [...]

Filed under: Doctor, Doctor, When I'm a Dad ... | 3 Comments »

Day after day I blather about our fertility issues because our inability to conceive only begs to highlight my self-centered tendencies: I want to tell everyone about our problems in hopes that their adoration and attention will make me feel better about a less-than-stellar situation.
We’re approaching fertile week yet again, and both Constance and I [...]

Filed under: Doctor, Doctor, News from the Parent Front | No Comments »