Constance is proud to announce that 14 weeks after giving birth she is now a mere 5 pounds away from her pre-pregnancy weight. She will tell you that the remaining pounds are all located in her stomach and she will also tell you that she hates doing sit-ups, crunches or, basically, any exercise that hones-in [...]
Yesterday afternoon I received an urgent email from Target. Our bouncy chair has been recalled because protruding metal pieces have cut 5 babies just like this one:
The responsible, caring, fatherly portion of my brain blasted into raging overdrive as I inspected the chair for a flaw that threatened to julienne my baby’s perfect little [...]
If one more mother on the street says to me, “Looks like you’ve got your hands full!” I swear I’m going to jam my house keys into her larynx, steal the grande Starbucks cup from her white, manicured hands and walk away with a sense of self-righteous vigilance.
Mothers of America - I can have a [...]
One year ago today, Nola was transferred into Constance. She began life, to my eyes, as just a light on a screen. One of two bright lights that popped onto the ultrasound monitor that day and the only light that shone strong enough to become something I could hold in my arms.
Now, one year later, [...]
Today I committed forgery, but the person’s name I signed on the very important document told me it was OK. In fact, it was downright necessary in order to expedite a process that needed some expedition. At least that’s how I’ve rationalized it.
I also found a mango in my backpack. I wonder if that’s some [...]
Nola spent the first 6 hours of the day mastering the art of baby perfection. She was laughing, talking, sleeping for long stretches in the Bjorn and loving her bottle as if it were the breast itself.
And then, suddenly, gas set in over lunchtime. A 20-minute crying jag tempted me to put on my noise-canceling [...]
Nola isn’t the same baby now that she’s drinking a mild amount of antibiotics. They are wreaking havoc on her poor little belly and she in turn is wreaking havoc on my day. Our normally cheerful tot screamed all day yesterday unless I held her by the stomach.
“She’s yours for the night,” I said [...]
If you’ve had one, you know when you’ve got another one. Apparently, there is just no mistaking that excruciating pain for anything else. Or so says my wife, which is why we need to get her something … stat.
Constance has a urinary tract infection, which would be fairly simple to combat if she weren’t breastfeeding. [...]
My friend, Dana, had a beautiful baby girl a month after we welcomed Nola into our lives. Our relationship actually began when she became a freelance writer for my health-and-wellness magazine. But when we met for lunch one day over thin-crust authentic pizzas, the topic inevitably skewed toward parenthood. At the time, neither of us [...]
Without fail, I took the ability to drive in relative peace for granted. More often than not my biggest road annoyances were Chicago traffic and the user-unfriendly iPod integration system in our Subaru. Back when Constance still carried Nola on the inside, I assumed that the car would provide one of the few places where [...]