Up, Up and Away
On Sunday we took Nola to see Up. And by took Nola, I mean Constance and I really wanted to see Up and thereby decided to take the non-voting member of our family to the theater on the day that marked the beginning of her 6th week on earth.
It came as no surprise that Up was another soaring, epic Pixar film. What was downright shocking, however, was that during the first five minutes of the movie there was an intense amount of sobbing going on to my left as well as tears stinging my eyes.
Carl Frederickson and his wife, Ellie, lived a beautiful life, and in a 4-minute montage we get to see it all, start to finish, in what is the most romantic, honest ode to love I’ve ever seen drawn or committed to film. And if it weren’t painfully poignant enough to see two people loving each other fully become separated by death, they were infertile to boot. And it was all conveyed sans dialogue. It was lovely, accurate and one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to watch.
Carl and Ellie have their backs against the ground, gazing up at the clouds, when the white fluff that had previously looked like turtles and dogs suddenly begins to look like one baby. And then, every cloud is a baby. In the next scene the excited couple is decorating a nursery. One scene later, they are in the doctor’s office and Ellie is crying while Carl is comforting her. Next, they cut to Ellie sitting silently in the backyard, staring, when Carl comes up to her holding her book of adventures - a book containing all of the exciting things she wanted to do in her life.
Without looking back, the two of then live the next 50 years together in absolute happiness, loving each other completely, until Ellie meets her end.
The image of Ellie sitting, staring in the backyard, haunts me. How do you describe what it feels like to feel what she was experiencing. Sometimes you can’t – words can put too much distance between the truth and your feelings, and Pixar’s treatment of this topic was bravura. One thing I always told Constance was that even if we never got to have a baby of our own, my life would still be perfect because I had her for always. It was impossible not to see myself as Carl and Constance as Ellie because they loved each other with the same care and abandon with which we love each other. Seeing Carl without Ellie sent the breath from my body because it was like looking into a future I’m not prepared to live.
Which made it all the more powerful to look down and see my daughter sleeping peacefully in her car seat next to Constance. As I’ve said before, infertility will always be a part of me because it is the main event in the story of how my daughter came to be. And thanks to Up, I now feel like somebody out there in Hollywood truly understands what it’s like to love as much as I do - not just as a parent, but as a partner.
And without further ado …
Filed under: Husband & Wife, Matthew I.V.F. Miller, Nola Eleanor
Must see “Up” and soon.
Happy to watch Nola become more and more baby-esque with every passing week. More chubbiness, more cuteness, more Nola-ness!
That’s crazy about “Up”…I really hadn’t any idea what the story was about! Sounds great!
Nola is adorable. Really and truly.
My dh & I went to see “Up” this weekend. I had been alerted to the opening by Pamela Jeanne at Coming2Terms, but I still bawled my eyes out. And loved it. : )
We will have to go see “Up” it sounds good.
Nola is so adorable!! In the first pictures she looks like Constance, but the rest look just like you Matt. We are so glad we have her in the family.
Not that i’m prejeduice, but she is so freakin cute!!! She gets cuter every time I see her!
Life and love two wonderful pieces of a puzzle that’s never completed .
This made me all teary, and makes me want to see Up even more! My husband and I are going through infertility. We have been trying for 2 years now. I feel the same way you do-that infertility will always be a part of me. It changes you.
Congrats on Nola! She is beautiful and I know you two are loving every minute with her!
From the parents of a 7-week old to the parents of a 6-week old: how did you guys manage to take that beautiful baby to not one but TWO movies? Is Nola just preternaturally peaceful? How do you manage?
Perpetua:
Nola is very peaceful - we are quite fortunate. What makes movies possible for us are as follows:
1. We go to the early matinee on Saturday/Sunday - our theaters have a 10 or 10:30 show, which tends to mean a way smaller crowd. We sit in the first row nearest the door, on the end, to allow for easy escape.
2. Constance feeds Nola right before we leave home. She falls asleep during the car ride to the theater and stays asleep for about the first 45 minutes we are there.
3. When she starts to grunt quietly, Constance puts on her Hooter Hider and nurses Nola during the movie.
4. When Nola is done eating, I stand in the hallway next to the staircase that leads up to the seats, in full view of the screen, holding Nola in my arms and bouncing.
5. If she falls back to sleep, I go sit back down. If not, I bounce for the the remainder of the movie, which I enjoy because sitting still is not my forte.
That’s how we do it. Most movies are so loud that her quiet grunting is inaudible. If she were to start crying, I’d have to take her into the lobby of course. But so far, so good. We’ll let you know how it goes after seeing Land Of The Lost or The Hangover this weekend.
Saw Up this weekend and was a little overwhelmed by it, too. I did not get the warning about the beginning and as I sat there on a beautiful night under a clear sky with tons of stars (we were at a drive in), I sobbed my heart out. Everything about the movie was so well done!!
Nola is beautiful!
My husband and I haven’t started TTC yet, but I am terrified of infertility. I didn’t know about that scene, and it hit me hard (in fact, I’m crying now, just thinking about it) - it was very well done and it just blind-sided me.