As the news of our pregnancy was shared with our inner circle, I found myself repeating the phrase, “But it’s really early, so anything can happen,” over and over again. And while it is a scientifically true statement, it also, I realized, was largely due to the fact that I feel like this all came too easily.
It’s not news to anyone that we had to work really hard to achieve our first pregnancy, but I don’t think I realized how jaded to the process I had become until now. It’s not that I expect something to go wrong, it’s just that my mind and body have been infiltrated by constant worry because my experiences with reproduction have clouded my judgment. I worry about Constance and the embryo without end.
When we got the good news call from our IVF clinic, we also found out the Constance’s progesterone level was a little low. “This happens sometimes with frozen transfers because the body isn’t producing as much as it is after a fresh cycle,” our nurse said. All it meant was we had to drive to Lincoln Park to pick up progesterone shots that I must administer, intramuscular shots, every other day.
Nevertheless, I latched onto this news with constant concern and spastic abandon. The first night’s shot was hectic to say the least. I was so frazzled I couldn’t even get the medicine loaded up into the needle.
“You realize you’re about to inject me with air, right?” Constance asked, noticing that the needle was indeed without progesterone.
“Fuck,” I shouted, shaking nervously. “I’m not trying to kill you, I swear. I just can’t seem to do this.”
“Here, let me,” Constance said, taking the needle from my trembling hands and filling it up without hesitation.
Then came her time to freak out as I prepared to bury a 1-1/2″ needle into her backside. I drew a target on her lower back with a green Sharpie, drew back the plunger and bingo! Success.
“That was awesome,” Constance said. “Do it just like that and it won’t be an issue. Mess up though, and it will be all your fault.”
Today, Constance went into the lab to have her blood work done again and both her hCG and progesterone levels have doubled. Which means I will worry a little less. That is until Monday, when she goes in to get them measured again.
Can we just skip ahead to the second trimester already before I give myself a bloody ulcer??