The Wisdom of Late Night Televangelism
To say that Joel Osteen and I posit ourselves on opposite sides of the globe in terms of values, beliefs and lifestyles would be an accurate statement, if not a wee bit of an understatement. That’s not to say I think he’s a bad guy – my knowledge of him extends to accidental pulpit sightings on ABC Family as I’m flipping down the roster toward ESPN. No, my only issue is that I just don’t associate with televangelists, even over the airwaves.
In the waning hours of Sunday, however, I made an exception.
Last night I couldn’t sleep. Actually, allow me to rephrase.
Last night I could have slept if Constance hadn’t been coughing. Upon arriving home from her week long retreat in North Carolina, Constance had managed to come down with the exact same cold I had been struggling with in her absence. Somewhere around 11PM, I decided that I in order to progress beyond the stage of merely closing my eyes it would require a trip to the sofa. Only when I got to the sofa I was, of course, more awake than ever.
Our Christmas movie addiction, especially the trashy gems aired on ABC Family, had led us to DVR the 9 o’clock showing of Snow 2 for future viewing, which meant that when I turned on the tube, there was Joel Osteen. As easily as I found him, I had the opposite luck in finding the remote control. Much to my surprise, however, I’m glad it took me a couple of minutes before I could change the channel.
At the time of my click, he was talking about his one year old child and how wonderful he is. He then went on to tell the story of how someone told him, “Well, enjoy it now. Just wait until the terrible twos. He’ll be a nightmare.”
Joel Osteen offered a rather witty response, saying something along the lines of, “I wanted to thank him for such an encouraging, upbeat bit of advice. But then I realized that I’m not going to let that in. Terrible twos, traumatic threes, feisty fours - whatever. I’m not going open my heart to a negative idea about what’s to come because if I do, that’s what will come. When we open ourselves to the negative, we allow it to inhabit us.”
Moments before I had found the remote hidden under my copy of Newsweek; the issue with the headline “The Religious Case for Gay Marriage” nonetheless. I quickly flipped the channel before Mr. Osteen went any further, before the gentle patters I felt lucky to hear morphed into a sledgehammer of moralizing and ruined our momentarily blissful connection.
As I laid there on the sofa, watching the highlights of the day’s NFL games, I couldn’t stop thinking about what he had said. Throughout the many years we’ve been married and the countless years we’ve been trying to get pregnant – and throughout the pregnancy itself – the one thing I hear repeatedly from well-meaning friends and family is, “Just wait until _________.”
After we got married everything was supposed to be different. Sex was supposed to vaporize, vanish into thin air, and suddenly our roles were supposed to become more traditional and dull. We both told everyone who ever said that, “I know that happens for some people, but I don’t think that will happen to us.”
And it didn’t. It never did and I don’t expect it to anytime soon. We’ve been married for 6-1/2 years and the only thing that’s different is that we are financially stable.
Now that the excitement has worn off surrounding our pregnancy and we get closer to having the baby, people like to tell me, “Oh, just wait until the baby comes.”
The list of things that are supposed to happen once the baby arrives are as follows:
• We’ll never sleep again
• We’ll never go to a movie again
• I’ll never have time to read a book again
• Sex will cease to exist
• We’ll move to the suburbs
• Our child will bleed our bank account dry
• We’ll become more “domestic”
• Constance will be stricken with maternal instincts that will allow her to “just know”
• I will get rid of my dog
• I will become fiercely protective to the point of irrationality
• We will love our baby more than we love each other
• My identity will shift to being a father first, a husband second and myself last
Yes, things will change once we have a baby. The unknown is scary, but it’s exciting because I’m used to change. In fact, I love change - I seek it out and drink it down like a robust pinot noir. Things always change. There’s not a season that goes by in my life where something drastic doesn’t alter me in some way. But I’m still the same – my core is unflinching. I’m still me, the person who devours books, loves music, cooks a mean dish and puts his wife above all else.
If I ever in my life had stopped and “just waited until …” I would have gotten exactly what I waited for, but I never have and I never will. Opening myself up to the negatives allows the negatives space to fester. I’m happy with my life, all of it, and there is always more room for happiness so long as I don’t sacrifice my self.
I think what Joel Osteen was trying to say was, “Take that, haters.” And amen to that.
Filed under: 2nd trimester, Baby Prep, When I'm a Dad ...
The only comment appropriate is…
Just wait until the baby comes….it will be awesome!
Wooohoooo!! Is what I have to say to all of that.
Reading through that list, I think the one about the maternal instincts is the only one that’s most definitely going to happen. Coincidentally, it’s pretty much the only positive thing on the list. You guys will be great parents who live in the city, love each other as much as you love your baby, love your dog too, read, sleep, have sex and whatever else you enjoyed doing before the baby!
Great post. The comments/assumption about getting rid of the dog especially upset me.
It’s all in your priorities. I have 5-wk-old twins and am still managing to read the newspaper every day.
I remember all too well those “thoughful” comments everyone hurls at you. And we’re experiencing them again as we await the arrival of #2. My answer is that “just wait”… because when that baby arrives your lives will irrevocably change and it will be the most wonderful life affirming thing you could ever imagine. Our son has opened our eyes and allowed us to view the world in such a wonderful way. Just wait. It’ll be the best thing ever.
I have always hated that and tried not to do it, although in my own present selfishness of stress perhaps I have. THose pet comments always bother me so much. My cats were my first “kids” and while there are issues with them and Builder Boy, I wouldn’t consider getting rid of them. There is nothing sweeter than watching your baby discover over and over again your pet-how they giggle when they get licked or oooooo when they touch their soft fur. While I don’t get to do as much as I used to do, that is my choice…but I always make time to read!!!!!
Yay! What a great post! I make a point to tell friends who are preparing for their first baby something very similar, in that people are going to tell you all their horror stories and all these unpleasant things about parenthood and babydom, but the truth really is that it is amazing, incredible, and wonderful! I love your first commenter’s note!
Congrats for having such a positive attitude. I think that says alot about the kind of parents you and your wife will be.
Hope y’all have a terrific holiday season!
The truth of the matter is your world is about to be turned upside down! This lil person is gonna show you your heart is capable of loving at such a new and deep level that you won’t even believe it.
Will there be tantrums down the road? hell yeah. Lil one’s vocabulary just hasn’t caught up with their feelings.. It will be hard and tiring and joyous and hilarious and boring and thrilling and the craziest mixed bag of every emotion!
Will you be sleep deprived? Yep and never more happy to be a walking zombie.
Your sex life will change. But trust me on this one, that can be a very good thing. *wink* *wink*
You won’t go out as much…and won’t want to for a while! You’re gonna want to spend time getting to know this fabulous little person you brought into the world! And you will go out again, because as much as yo love being with lil bit, you HAVE to nurture your marriage. You want to show lil one what a healthy, loving marriage is, that your marriage is first, so s/he will seek that out for themselves one day.
You will become more domestic…as there will be one more person in your house and that means more chores. But washing tiny little clothes that smell of baby? Why complain about that? Fact of life. And there ain’t nothing wrong with being domestic. Home is where the heart is. ;o)
Babies cost money. Bleed the account dry? nah…clip some coupons and don’t buy caviar for a while. LOL! Seriously, it is expensive but good lord can you think of anything more worth it in the world???
Sorry for the book, but I just had to address these points! This is gonna be the best time of your lives! Yes there will be sacrifices but when lil bit gives you that first smile…hold onto your hat! Keep the positive attitude!
Thank you! I really am overwhelmed and its the fear of the unknown. (due next week)
I needed to read this post. People keep telling me about how life will change forever.
Ugh. I used to get so annoyed when people would tell me “EVERYTHING will change once you have the baby…”
Now I think I understand the temptation to say that, but I will resist. There’s nothing like figuring it out yourself, and enjoying every part of the journey.
And I love the televangelist’s wisdom, mostly because I am terrified of toddlers.
far be it from me to seriously advocate for televangilists (though the homebound may find them to be as close as can be gotten to going to a house of worship), but i did find it a bit strange that you wrote:
“opposite sides of the globe in terms of values, beliefs and lifestyles…”
and also wrote
“my knowledge of him extends to accidental pulpit sightings on ABC Family as I’m flipping down the roster toward ESPN …”
PS: really enjoy your blog
The only comment appropriate is…
I totally relate! My husband and I were quite young when we started seeing each other (15 and 17) and it seemed there was always someone saying “Just wait until…” until the second year, until five years, until you “grow up”, until you get married, until until until…
We will be celebrating 10 years together next february (3 of them married) and still going strong