Today is the 365th day, the final page in the book of a year that is hard to think about as a whole. To anoint 2008 as a fractured piece of living would be an understatement, and for as much joy as there has been - the triumph of conception - there is too much pain and not a big enough reward inherent in looking back. Not yet, anyway.

Someday I might look back on 2008 and remember it is as something shinier and happier than I do right now, but these objects are still too close in my rear view mirror to look like the stepping stones they probably were. To me, the all still look like boulders. Bulky, impassable boulders.

So instead of looking back, I want to first thank all of you for your love, support and guidance during the last 52 weeks. For that I don’t need distance to realize how vital it has been to my sanity.

And now, I look ahead. Tomorrow Constance and I enter the year of Baby Miller and the year in which we both reach beyond our current selves to achieve not just parenthood, but the personal goals we’ve let slide. We’re canceling our cable to start - TV will no longer distract me from living. And tonight at midnight I will close my eyes and send the best of me, the best intentions and aspirations I have for the coming year, into the ether so that I can begin next year with a calmness and determination that have eluded me this year.

Normally I’d say something cheeky like, “2009 - I’ve got your number,” or “Watch your back, 2009 - cuz I’m gonna kick your ass.” But this year I’d rather put something else out there into the universe.

2009 - let’s be friends.

Peace to all and have a safe, happy New Year.

Filed under: 2nd trimester, Baby Prep, Matthew I.V.F. Miller